It seems that every step I take towards becoming middle class I’m forced to take two steps back. I came to the stark realisation yesterday that I have been priced out of Sainsbury’s… Sainsbury’s! Not Waitrose or Marks & Spencer’s but Sainsbury’s. A staple of the British supermarket scene. I don’t know when exactly it happened, but during yesterdays weekly food shop it was clearly apparent that I was somewhere I do not belong…

The first indicator was the complete lack of sales. As someone who is inherently budget minded, nothing arouses me quite as much as a sale. For this reason food shopping is my fifty shades of troubled marriage. Normally there should be an on sale version of practically everything you need to buy in the supermarket. If you approach a shop with a bit of flexibility then there’s no reason to ever pay full price. Uncle Ben’s rice may be full price, but Knorr is 50% off! Semi skimmed milk hasn’t been on sale for weeks, but no worries you can get 2 chocolate Yazoo milkshakes for £1!

I’d seen more sales at an EA game release than I saw in the food aisles of Sainsbury’s yesterday. I’m drawn to the red reduction labels like a closet communist instead I was having to pick things up at full price! £2 for a bottle of curry sauce… fuck right off, I’m not made of money you ruthless bastards. Is this Brexit? Is this the inevitable price rises we were warned about? Or am I just going mad. We were walking around the store for hours last night like disorientated dementia patients picking up and putting back products unable to commit to anything without the power of sales to guide us.

Even the Sainsbury’s own brand products seemed to have gone up in price and they’re all borderline inedible. They do have cheaper alternatives though, even to their standard own brand products. The ‘Sainsbury’s basics’ range… Now you can tell a shop is middle class when they make a proactive effort to make their cheap food items look as disgusting as possible. Even the slogans on the packaging are patronisingly insulting.

Here’s a small gallery of pictures I took yesterday in the shop… because complaining about things has become an addiction that seeps into every facet of my life!

 

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I mean look at those fucking slogans!

‘No fancy packaging, great for lunchbox’…  ‘Rectangular shape, but they still taste great’… ‘Made with marg not butter, still tasty’.

What is this? Who markets products by talking them down and then countering with ‘it’s still good’. I’ve never seen less of an effort to sell something. Sainsbury’s basics marketing formula appears to be ‘<reason why it’s shit + you’ll still buy it because you’re poor>.

It’s literally a dick slap in the face to poor people who dare clog up their stores. Every basics item has the same orange and white packaging. This is a company who have made sure that if you buy their cheap shit all of the other shoppers will know. They might as well go the whole hog and just copy the soda-stream advert using the walk of shame woman from Game of Thrones. I’m surprised a klaxon doesn’t sound whenever a basics item is scanned.

There’s no reason why you should look down on someone who can manage to buy an entire weekly shop for the price of one organic fish pie in your trolley, but you can’t help it! If someone passes you with a full trolley of white and orange you immediately pocket dial child protective services, regardless of whether they have kids (they always do).

Either way, my days shopping at Sainsbury’s have come to an end, I feel like I’ve de-ranked on a competitive computer game. I’m slowly spiralling down towards the indignity of Lidl… They don’t even need patronising packaging to make you realise you’re poor at Lidl. I’m pretty sure their version of a nectar card can be downloaded onto an electronic tag.