I know I’ve already done a post about why this blog is doomed to fail, but I thought the best way to fulfil this prophecy was repetition so I’m doing another one. I posted my blog on a few websites with other content providers and asked for feedback. By and large it was ignored as almost everyone posting content on feedback sites is essentially just publicising their work with no interest in what other people actually think about it. In fact from my quite limited experience I would go as far as suggesting that bloggers take constructive criticism about as well as men with tiny hands take criticism about not having the best words.

To further prove that point I will spend the rest of today’s post deconstructing the feedback of someone who was only trying to help me improve and attempt to demonise them in front of my shrinking audience so I can justify continuing down my clearly self destructive path unburdened.

‘First off, it’s very bleak, I understand that goes well with the theme of the writing, but you should try adding more pictures. Research has shown that the more pictures an article has the more views and shares you’ll get from social media.’

Fuck off… Not a great start, it pains me to think that my target audience of pseudo intellectual snobs whose favourite pastime is looking down at those they deem lesser than themselves might not be reading my blog for the simple reason that it has no pictures. Just incase that’s true I have added a picture of a duck to this blog and I didn’t even check if it was copyright free!

Obviously I don’t believe that people’s attention span is that dulled by the constant buzzing of smart phones that they can’t focus on a single page of text… I hope. I believe it has a lot more to do with the fact that everything I write is self obsessed inane dribble, so dull it has developed the medicinal properties of morphine.

The mere thought of adding unnecessary pictures or worse focusing my content around pictures as is the case on most of these absolutely wank socially viral piles of click bait cancer makes me want to slice my eyeballs open with a letter opener and go bobbing for apples in a vat of lemon juice. Slightly extreme? Extremely hypocritical given my aforementioned duck image? Possibly… Probably not the best way to respond to someone who took the time out of their day to critique my work, but fuck it, que sera, sera. 

‘I noticed you don’t have any adverts on your site yet, although this is admirable, I assume at some point you would want to monetise your content and having adverts can portray a more professional website even if your traffic is low.’

To be fair this I somewhat understand. Bloggers almost entirely make their money from advertising, I haven’t put adverts up as I don’t want to be demoralized when Google Adsense pays £0.04p into my bank for a month’s worth of blog posts. There probably is some truth to this on the whole though, if you’re a blog connoisseur then you’re probably used to seeing adverts on most of the blogs with frequently updated  content, that might have a subconscious connection to quality. As a side note, if you see a popup on my site telling you that you can make $1,565 a week working from home for Google, click on it. It worked for me!

Your content is very much based on yourself, maybe try some list material you can still complain about them, clickbait names honestly do work. If you’re sharing your content on social media a top 10 list can be a great way to grab a user’s attention. Utilising multi-page posts can increase your views and build suspense too.’

This article will now be called ‘Top 10 reasons why you can fuck off’.  If you clicked the link to find said list… Fuck off. Utilising multi-page posts can build suspense… So can not finishing my sentences for a few days but that doesn’t mean…

I never knew how much I hated those articles until I started writing a blog. Now whenever I go on Facebook and inevitably get drawn into a list on which celebrities have the largest eyebrows i’ll curse myself each time I press ‘next page’ knowing damn well the only slightly interesting part will be on the final page after i’ve accidentally clicked on 4 adverts giving these cunts money to make more of this utter tripe. I mean some of these sites are well on their way to a 1:1 ratio of adverts for words. I saw a post entitled ‘top 10 reasons not to drop out of school’ the first picture was a man with a misspelled tattoo and the article text read ‘lol, this guy!’ Really?! Fuck off.

Some people will be put off by your language and aggression, you could try phrasing your complaints in a less confrontational manner and avoid using explicit curse words, as these will also prevent you ranking as well in SEO according to some research.’

I could also write an article on the benefits of regular pelvic floor exercises for pregnancy but both would be equally unnatural.

As much as I appreciate the feedback (and I genuinely do), I have come to terms with the fact that even if I was generating interesting content, which let’s face it I’m not. The appeal of a text only blog about a man explicitly rambling to himself is always going to have niche appeal and without multi-page posts chocked full of adverts or reviews of shit I don’t care about for affiliate links, I probably shouldn’t quit the day job anytime soon.